I wasn’t actually feeling super enthused by the idea of doing one of these retrospective type things (hence the reason it’s two weeks late), but I thought it would actually be a good idea for me to look at the year I’ve had and try and take something useful from it all.
For all intents and purposes I do feel it was kind of a wasted year. I don’t know that I really achieved anything great, or at least, none of the things I set out to do (I had a little list of stuff I would do in my ‘gap year’… yeah none of that happened). Butttttt I guess I should stop being such a dirty pessimist (/realist) and focus on the ~positives~...!?
Early 2010, in Japan with my mummy
I concede, I actually did grow a lot this year. I think I worked myself out a bit more (not completely!), maybe I know myself better. This was my first year in what teachers at high school love to call “the real world”. Turns out, the real world is actually not all that dissimilar from high school (what do you know). I got a proper job, one which most people seem to assume I must be a ditz to be doing, but I think it was good for me. It definitely made me more outgoing anyway, less painfully awkward around new people (now I’m just embarrassingly awkward). And I am surely better at handling strangers yelling shit at me about “WHY CAN’T I HAVE A DISCOUNT/REFUND/STYLE THAT’S SOLD OUT??? YOU’RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH I WILL GET WHAT I WANT I WILL COMPLAIN ABOUT YOU YOU’RE FAT BLA BLA EFFING BLA” which is for sure a good life skill to have.
I’ll be honest and say the primary reason I took a ‘year off’ instead of going straight to university was because of my mental health. My number one aim for the year was to fix that, and while I’m definitely not 100% of the way there, when I look back at how sick I had been in 2009 I feel like I should be proud of how much I’ve improved. I can’t say that I really am though, actually. This post isn’t going to turn into some sob story about Everything I’ve Been Through and how Hard It’s Been, I don’t want to whine about my problems or act as though I’m the only person who has ever been to that place – I’m one of about twenty billion (rough estimate). But I do think people should talk about it more. I feel like mental health is the elephant in the room in this country and for as long as it stays that way, we will continue to have problems – like the pathetic amount of funding for treatment, the shame so many people have to feel, the stigma around this issue that leads most people (aside from 15 year old girls, maybe) to be ashamed to talk about it. It shouldn’t be like this. (This was a huge tangent……………..)
On to the new year: I am starting uni! I am going to Sydney in a week for a holiday, and I’m seeing Amanda Palmer at the Opera House on Australia day (!!!). I will still be at The Hill and coaching gymnastics too, I am still studying burlesque, I am going to read more books (I have a list) (any recommendations?) and write more blogs and watch more films and eat more cheesecake. And everything shall be delightful. (…)
Early 2011, I met Amanda Palmer (shitttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Ps. Oh, and I dyed my hair red. That was probably the best life choice I made this year. I can’t remember why I was so attached to being blonde. And yes, it turns out you can have red hair and wear red lipstick and red clothes as well. Fancy that.